I'm glad we have the relationship where she feels comfortable talking to me or she's able to call me crying if she wants comfort. It hasn't always been like that. In highschool she was the lady who said no or insisted i wake her up when i got home so she could make sure i was home by curfew. At the time i thought it was absurd and she was being too overprotective, i know it was all because she loved me. Our relationship was more mother/daughter when i was in highschool.
When i moved out and went to college we became friends. It's amazing when i didn't have to actually answer to her how we could be friends. I tried to call her every couple days to say hi and update her on life. She was always very supportive but encouraged me to make my own decisions and therefor have to deal with anything that happened in result of those decisions. The best thing i ever did was make her proud by graduating from the UW. She cried out of joy and that me even more proud of my accomplishment because of how proud she was. To me it was just something i had to do, the next step, but she reminded me it was a big deal.
The next "phase" of my life doesn't make me proud except i got thru it. I was ripping and running not caring who i hurt in my path of destruction. But my mom was the only person who stood by me at all times. She visited me in jail, went to my court dates, spoke at my sentencing, she was just there if i needed to cry about the relationship i was in. We regressed back to mother/daughter, but not where she told me what to do, it was mixed with our already established friendship. She told me more about her experiences with my father in more detail that made me realize she had been there and made me have more understanding for where she's been. The one thing that broke my heart was that my mom told me she felt like a bad mother because of what i was doing, that my actions were a reflection of her parenting. That was one thing that helped me in my quest towards sobriety. I wanted my momma to be proud of me instead of thinking she was a bad parent because i was addicted to oxycontin and committing crimes to get what i wanted.
Today the mother/daughter roles have been reversed. We still have our friendship but now my mom is going thru her own rough times. I am now able to be there for her. That makes me happy that she's comfortable to talk to me about her own failing relationship and the problems in her life. I'm there if she needs comforting or just someone and talk to. Two years ago there is no way i could have been that person.
I'm grateful for my crazy lady. Without her i know i would have less amusement in my life. I couldn't even imagine not having her in my life. I have the delusion she will live forever :) i'm grateful for her friendship and support thru this crazy journey her and i are both on.
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