Tuesday, January 25, 2011

random thought this morning.

I don't know what randomly made me think of my father this morning, but i am grateful for him meeting my mom and marrying her and producing me and my brother bears. I love my brothers and couldn't imagine having only sisters or being an only child. They're my little bigs and are always there for me.

Although i don't agree with anything my father did, beating my mom and causing her pain that she still goes through, i understand him. In the back of my mind i think alot of why i was able to pull through was because i didn't want to be him. My mom said he was such a great man before he started doing drugs and then the drugs took over his life. They became more important to him than his wife and kids, the withdrawls caused him to do things he wouldn't do sober. I myself have done those things, although i wasn't violent, i just wasn't acting in my normal fashion.

I'm sad that he wasn't able to get his addicition under control and he missed out on his 3 amazing children. I often wonder what life would have been like with 2 parents, having a dad to coach my softball teams, or having a dad there to "scare" any guys i dated (although i do know that my brothers have stepped up into that role in the past :). But i don't think i would have had it any other way. My mom did everything she could to raise us into good people and she did one hell of a job.

Today i am grateful i was given life by both my mother and father. I have learned so much from both of them even though my father wasn't around, he taught me through his actions what not to do.
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