today

Today i am grateful just for today.

If anything was going to go wrong today it did. But even thru all the stresses i am grateful to just have today. It could be worse.

I watched a show last night called "scared straight" and it was a type of intervention program for troubled teens to experience prison before they themselves end up there. Obviously i am not one to take someone else's word and i therefore am stubborn and usually need to do it myself to figure out if it's for me or not. But the show made me wonder if i had "experienced" jail before actually going if it would have made a difference. Although i wasn't a "troubled" teen, on the contrary i was an A student. But maybe to have that knowledge for "just in case", it could have made a difference.

But alas, i had to experience it myself, not prison, but jail. I don't know how i would have coped being incarcerated for multiple years. 90 days was my prison.

That leads me to be grateful that i never got that far, that i had my education, my "good girl" past to reinforce that prison was not where i was supposed to be. Although i continued to challenge that decision, the "system" always had faith in me. I am grateful today to be free and clear of being controlled by a substance. Maybe not free and clear, but the decisions i continue to make on a daily basis to stay away from people who choose that as their lifestyle help me stay free and clear. Not having it constantly shoved in my face makes it easier to say no.

I am happy to meet life's challenges head on rather than running from them. I get to actually feel rather than using oxycotin to numb me so i can just forget. I am grateful for emotions. I get to feel for once and that is something amazing.

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