3/28/11

My challenge for the day is to figure out why i would be grateful for criticism. It's defiantly not one of my favorite things to hear, but there are positive things about criticism.

- i am able to hear what other people think about me and my work. Sometimes i get caught up in the World of Shawna that i forget that how i think i'm doing something may not be the most efficent way.

- it allows me to recognize my areas of weakness and to work on improving myself and my actions.

- i may not be doing something wrong, but criticism allows me to see things from an angle i may not have seen before.

- it allows me to see what other options there are for something i'm doing and i'm able to meld that into my own actions.

I know that when people are pointing something out they are not trying to rude, but instead helpful. They are looking out for my best interest and want me to become a more complete person. I am working on not taking criticism personally. If i listen with both ears i can hear how helpful they are being so i can truely be gracious for what they are saying.

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3/20/11

Today i am grateful for sobriety. Last night i was watching Intervention and it was the first time i have ever cried while watching tv. Usually the person is addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth, or heroin. This one the girl was addicted to oxycontin. It was a wakeup call to see how this girl talked to people and made herself out to be the victim. I remember yelling and screaming at my mom or my other family members that they didn't understand, when all they were doing was trying to help me and understand why their smart girl had turned into this monster. I am grateful to have built my relationships back up with my family, especially my crazy lady. Watching that woman freak out on tv made me grateful i am not there, i am not dependent upon a drug to live.

I still feel like i'm drowning sometimes but my thoughts are more clear. I find some of my own stinking thinking rise up sometimes about getting money, not for drugs, but for money. Being broke i equate to when i was using drugs because before then if i needed something i had the means to pay for it. Now i have a job and i have to rationalize between need and want. Although now i am clear headed enough to sort thru my stinking thinking to not act on it and reinforce it's a bad idea. When i was using i usually had the ability to hustle up mass amounts of money daily but now i feel like i can't make ends meat. But i am grateful for the ability to think clearly and know the difference between right and wrong. I am not controlled by desperation in the same way anymore.

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3/13/11

Today i am grateful for my friends and family who help me when i really need the help. I've been really stressed lately with no money and nothing to do. I feel like a mooch sometimes and i don't want to be seen as that. I hate being this broke. My phone isn't on. My contract date on my phone keeps getting pushed out because i'm not paying the bill on time, which means i can't get a new plan until who knows when now probably mid april because i didn't pay the bill on time, which is then going to be pushed out again because i won't be able to pay the bill on time next month. Sometimes i feel like the duck analogy, i may look calm, but underneath my feet are treading as fast as they can go. Gah! Just venting...

But on the other hand, i'm grateful that i'm not too scared to ask for help otherwise i know i would be so overwhelmed and drown and i don't want to be there again!

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3/12/11

Today i am grateful for easy days at work. I got everything i needed to get done, done in the first half of the day. So i basically got to hang out with good company and get paid for it. There was no stress, no angry guests, the day went smoothly.

Today i am also grateful for my sobriety. I saw a friend yesterday i went to treatment with the first time. I knew as soon as he started talking that he was high. He even admitted he was using and he had been to prison AGAIN since we last talked about a year and a half ago. It made me grateful to be where i am. He seemed content with using and doing nothing with his life. I'm grateful to be sober, to not need a drug to have fun or be the first thing i crave when i wake up. It made me uncomfortable to be around him. Our drugs of choice were different, so i didn't feel the urge to use. I felt like we had nothing to talk about. I couldn't listen to someone talk about how they were ruining their lives. Although i am broke i know i'm not doing illegal things to feed an addiction or even just get by. That i am grateful for.

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3/7/11

So today i was thinking about the things i take for granted each day that i forget to be grateful for.

-my blow dryer. If i wasn't able to blow dry my hair each morning then i would have wet hair when i went out into the cold world, which would then cause me to be more sick than i already am and more frequently. Not to mention my hair would be a hot mess!

-lighters. I mean the cavemen who made fire for the first time were genius, but the man who made it so fire appeared at the flick of a finger, i mean c'mon, that's brilliant.

-heels. They make an ordinary outfit look classy. Not to mention i get to experience the air that the 5'5 people breathe :) also, instantly makes my legs look longer and my belly not quite so bulgey :)

-mindless games. They help keep me occupied when i'm on the bus, lunch, or just looking for something other than tv or movies to zone out too. It's great that my phone is able to do so many things, like allow me to play games or research :)

They may not seem like the most important things to be grateful for, but they are all things i use on the daily that help me in some shape or form. I am grateful today for the little things, because it makes the big things i'm grateful for that much better.

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3/6/11

Today i am grateful for being able to help my friends in their time of need and how grateful they are. Today at work nancie didn't have any cigarettes because she was waiting for her sister to give her her half of the bill money for the month. It made me feel good to know that i was able to give her cigarettes on our breaks. Even though i was down to my last couple, i felt good doing it. Nancie has been such a good friend to me at work that i wouldn't ever think of saying no. If it was my last one, i'd offer to share with her. I know if you aren't a smoker it may not be a huge thing to be grateful for, but today i was. I felt good about being able to help someone else and not be the needy one for once. Although starting tomorrow it may be a different story... but i can't worry about what hasn't happened.

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3/2/11

Today i am grateful for life's modern conviences. Today i am doing the long overdue task of my laundry. I'm wishing i had been able to take my mom up on her offer to do it. But the laundry mat makes it so much simpler! 3 loads in the time of 1. Bam! The daunting task is bearable and i get to enjoy cleans laundry later, which is always a plus!

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3/1/11

Today i am thankful to be a guinea pig at work :) i'm grateful that i have the opportunities to recieve free services at my work. I have never had a facial before and today i got to experience it for the first time. They didn't do all the extra fluff like hand and shoulder massage, but instead focused on the facial part. I got a glycolic peel which is like safe acid for your face. It burns off 14 layers of skin to unclog pores. My face is a little red right now, but beauty is suffering. Haha :) i'm grateful for a job that has so many awesome perks :)

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